Par +

The beautiful game of Par+ sponsored by the missing Tricky Dickie Osborne.
(attending the seniors Olympic Hockey???)



And so we headed up to the Wembley Golf Course with some anticipation as we were informed that the new bar was ready to be 'christened' and we were instructed to bring a change of shoes.

And what a lovely scene it was, as the floor gleamed and the beer twinkled menacingly at 8am








Now not all members made it on the day and there were a couple of noticeable missing Committee Members,,,, 

The Call of the Crab, was clearly too strong for Earl and Vickie as they headed down to make the most of the Mandurah CrabFest


And who knows what dodgy animals Brett was chasing,,, hehehhehe




Now even in his absence Uncle Earl El Capitain had his say as he called for my non-attendance for the previous week to be documented, not only via email but via The Blog.

As i would not like to offend Disgraceful Earl any more than normal i hereby accept the nomination for the 'Wimp of the Week Award' for last week's no-show.




However, i did peruse the forecast and sought confirmation from the WeatherMan and decided that i was 'sick to fkn death' of playing in the cold and wet,,,,,,, if i enjoyed that i would've been playing in the uk!

I must say that my day off was particularly good fun as my aching bones were

expertly soothed by a fantastic massage,,,,,,, 

followed by some general pottering around with a cheeky beer in hand,,,,

finishing with a sugary treat as i chowed down on the beautiful Wifey's lollies!!!



And so what actually happened on the day,,,,, well firstly there was a lot of confusion about the rules and how to properly score, despite them being sent out, but that was easily figured out.

Secondly, due to the missing Committee Members, Wifey was in charge of the Novelties, so please feel free to blame her,,, heheheheeee

Personally i thought you did a great job babe, especially missing out the Golden Hole Flag as this caused The WeatherMan some amusing distress!!!

His mood could only be calmed by some good tender loving and a kiss from yours truely.










Results
As per normal i don't have a lot to say here, as i didn't write down any of the scores, as i was all-consumed by the $9 Guinness of the bar.

Plus I didn't get a list from anybody,,,, Vickie is obviously still tucking into those gorgeous Mandurah crabs

However i do know who came first, second and third:-

Congrats to Malcolm who brought home the bacon to win the event,,,

with Roland Ze German (i think) coming second,,,,

And Glorious Gardner taking the bronze!

The rest you can find out next week, or on Saturday maybe,,,, 

or if you were there maybe you can remember?????



Novelties
Clearly the worst in the world evers,,,,,,, as shown by the fact that nobody won the first one:-

NTP3--   No names!!!!
NTP7--   Roland
NTP15-- Phil
LD17--   Ciaran

Nice work people,,,,,,,


Golden Hole
And so it was a dispute that the Golden Hole was won by Peter, though our group try to state that the prize had been moved to the 16th and he was chasing a false claim.
However after an elongated 'lower lip tremble' we succumbed and awarded Peter the massive $67 for his wondrous shot.

Now The RichMan Peter did state that if anybody missed his round on Saturday to please feel free to tap him up for a cheeky half on Saturday to help him celebrate his winnings (as any good accountant/book-keeper/CFO would).


Fines of the Week
And here they come, the bit i can feel you all champing at the bit for,,,,, and once again we have some doozies,,,, 
so in no particular order of amusement:-

Kerry-- for actually getting DQ'd a Wii Golf on the Friday night and asking for extra Mulligans!!!

Greg & Colin-- for driving their cart/tank around as though they were in Dad's Army. 

Ross & Charmaine-- for their ongoing attempts at mud-wrestling as their practise shots continued to drag up extra turf at each other, amking the rest of us run for cover.

Shelley-- for practising her chipping into the net beside the first tee,,,, and actually missing it by some distance

Malcolm-- for being, i'm pretty sure, one of the only people for ever 'hitting up' on the group behind,,, as his drive on the 6th hit a the post, and rebounded backwards and sideways and ended up in the water of the 5th.
Top effort Malcolm, i'm proud of ya!!!!

Peter-- for having a fetish for other people's balls, as he goes 'fishing' on the 9th. Not only does he come out with a full net but one of the new ones allegedly ends up in the Prize Pool for the Raffle

Charmaine-- for letting her boobs put us off our putting!
I have never missed so many short putts,,,,, and i have to blame something, as i clearly can't blame myself for such an inept display

Ciaran-- for his admission of a PB with drinking 22 pints in a night!
Top work dude, especially as i always lost count after my 15th,,, hehehehe

Random Pics

And then there was GOLD!

Nearly a GB number plate

And not a bad number plate for a man that owns a couple of eateries

Beware the smiling assassin

Gorgeous

I'm not sure what Ross was doing, but me eyes nearly popped out

Not quite a halo for Ciaran, but certainly a glow

Where's my pizza!

Dad's Army in their Tank

Lynne's victory

BFF's 

Club Championship, Round 4

Didn't need all that wet weather gear

Oh, gosh, weren't we all worried by that weather forecast, and the big blue and red blobs on the radar. Of course, we forgot that God plays at Wembley on the first Saturday of the month, so the rain carefully went around and about, avoiding the Old Course almost entirely, and dumping bucketloads on those unfortunate suburbs where poor people live. Ah well..

I'd like to introduce my long lost father

Perhaps the most poignant announcement of the day was that Malcolm and Shelley are celebrating their 48th wedding anniversary. Particularly poignant for Malcolm, who is now only two years away from a really expensive one - I'd start investing in gold futures while they're still historically low.

Gim indulges in a wrap

Shelley will soon be distributing meal order forms for the country cup. Remember, members are warmly invited to bring a guest for this event.

Two guys who set the dress code standard

Some stern words from our captain this week, concerning

1. Slow play....Don't.

2. Etiquette......Do

I think this means he lost

I've played better, but I've also played worse

And now, the novelties:

2nd	NTP	Brett
6th	NTP	Ciarán
13th	NTP in 2	Phil McK
17th	LD	Brett

And the fourth round of the Club Championship. Remember, it's your best five results out of the seven rounds that score for this competition. If you don't complete five rounds, bad luck. You're out of the running.

 Stephanie admits to swearing, but not excessively

Kerry	90
Dave	84
Malcolm	84
Richard	83
Lynne	82
Gim	82
Stan	80
Colin	78
Frances	78
Ciarán	77
Earle	77
Ian	77
Stephanie	76
Greg	76
Phil McK	76
Brett	75
Derek	75
Glen	75
Ross	74
Phil McC	73
Peter	73
Gary	73
Thomas	70
Shelley	69

 Congrats Shelley and Thomas. I think the general consensus was that it was a pretty "average" day's golf. (If I've got anyone's score wrong, I'm sorry, let me know. I was at the far end of the tables and couldn't hear that well).

Shelley stamps her mark on the Club Championships

And of course, most importantly, the raffle:

The winning number

Close up of the new numbers

Winter Cup Rnd 2

Sponsored by the beautiful returning Frances.
(welcome back to The Travelling Longhursts after their adventures in PNG and Queensland)

And so came the second round of the SOS Winter Cup after a week of DQ's and much self-discovery we mustered ourselves to perfect our golf and indeed our scoring!

However,,,,,, as alluded to in my non-blog email we did have one more DQ!!!!!

Who was the latest faller from grace?
Did you guess?

Yes indeedy it was El Capitain himself who was ruled out for signing for a wrong number on his card.


There was some kind of reason and i think Ze German might have been to blame somewhere, but it all got a bit lost in translation,,,,, 

Actually i might have just made that up for poetic license, so please ignore that,,, hehehehehe

But it did put a smile on Mr Oirish's face, if only for a brief minute or two.


And so off we toddled down to the first to face battle, and i had the joy of playing in a group of 3 DQ's & a Tricky.
Now according to Sticky, that is apparently a great hand in poker,,,,,,, but it did nothing for any of our games as we sprayed our balls to all parts!



There was absolutely no need for any sledging, as we all played so badly, and i have to say that when i came off my face was hurting sooo much through laughing so much at all of our random antics!








Winter Cup 2016
A massive well done to Ze German for following up last weeks golf with a second good round, and becoming the first-evers Deutschlander to have his name on the SOS Winter Cup

Runners Up
2nd-- Ian Holmes
3rd-- Graeme Bday Boy Powell


Daily Comp
For those that managed to stay somewhere near the course, and weren't DQ'd please see below a selection of actual golfing prowess:-

1st   Ian Holmes   69

2nd  Gim Ong   70 (cb)

3rd   Roland Stanger 70

4th   Greg Bennett 71
5th   Ross Campbell 73 (cb)
6th   Stephanie Jeffares 73

Kerry Gardner 73
Frances Longhurst 73
Peter Baird 74
Colin Kerr 74 Birdie 16th
Graeme Powell 75. Birdie 9th
Brett Fordham 76
Shelley Yeo 76
Phil McKeague 77 Birdie 17th
Richard Yeo 78
Vickie Scarff 78
Thomas Reilly 79
Stan Tan 79
Glen Pope 79
Paul Gardner 80
Charmaine Stanger 80
Gary Burgess 83
Derek Longhurst 24
Ciaran McGlue 83

Mal Yeo 82 - undeserved winner of lollies because of one blowout hole (see the fines for more info)

Earle Scarff self imposed DQ after remembering at home an extra stroke not shown on his scorecard

Novelties
Unfortunately or fortunately i didn't take any record of the novelties,,,,,, i think i was still p*ssing myself with laughter!

So if you won, well done!!!!
and if you didn't there is always next week,,,,





Fines of the Week
Well, well, well,,,,, where do we start?
I think there can only be one place and that is with Sticky!

Ciaran-- After such a marvellous round of golf (NOT)
which according to Sticky was entirely El Capitain's fault, he decided to not only compete for Northern Ireland in the club throwing javelin event at the Rio Olympics,,,, 

But also for the FULL HOUSE in the Fines, with nearly every one earned and paid for!
Top work dude, it was an absolute pleasure playing with you.

And to help follow a certain theme:-

Gordo-- With the new de-haired look we all expected much from the big man as he strode purposefully to the tee.
Unfortunately he lost not only his hair, but his rag,,,,, as he lost control and demonstrated his strength as he snapped and threw his $500 driver,,,,,, heheheheheheeeeeeeee

Vickie-- in response to the Gordo/Samson display of strength Vickie The LawBird passed down a sentence of 50 lashes.
Unbeknown to The LawBird but Gordo was already sentencing himself to drinkin a copious amount of 150 Lashes!!

Tom-- now Torvill & Dean Tomothy deserves a mention for showing his MASSIVE bruise on his thigh from his efforts at the ice rink last week.
He was either a little inebriated, or simply clumsy as he was allegedly 'attacked' by an evil penguin.
On the plus side,,,, the Bacon Fairy was there for him in his hour of need.

Then there was Greg-- who announced to everybody in a loud, proud and enthusiastic voice
"God i was hot in bed last night!"

And finally, we have poor old Malcolm-- who was going soooo well until he encountered a most unforgiving pot bunker.
Apparently it was reminiscent of a mining excavator as he hacked, smashed and flopped his way for a record-breaking 20 shots in the sand.......
In his defence i did hear he originally had a very bad lie????!!!

** i know it's not a bunker shot but it was the best i could find


Random Pics

Our groups golfing talent today

Discussing tactics

 

This is for you Earle xxx

The ladies

Before the anger-laughing crept in

Big Fella's busted bat

Ceremonial drinks

Ladies Balls- an oxymoron??????
Discuss

Don't cry over spilt wine,,,,, especially when Stiff spills it
hehehehe