SOS Golf: July 2016

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Winter Cup 2016 Rnd1- Old Course

Sponsored beautifully by Ross Campbell.

Welcome to Rnd 1 of the 2016 Winter Cup, and what a game of golf it was going to be.
The sun was nearly shining and The WeatherMan had assured us that as long as we were in by 2pm we would all be going home dry!!
Yaaahhhhaaayyy we all cried!

But there was something slightly amiss as the language and innuendo of the SOS Club Members was at an all time high.

So much so this was to be The Most X-Rated Blog Evers!!!!!
But before i can get down to details,,,,,,,,,

SOS CAPTAIN TOUGHER THAN the IOC

An exclusive story from your roving reporter Paul the Gonch Gardner

In a shocking but true story, SOS Captain EARLE SCARFF today announced the disqualification of no less than 4 players from Saturday's Round 1 of the Winters Cup.

When asked for a comment he replied:-

‘I am no shrinking violet, I am not like the IOC, if a tough decision has to be made I will make it!!

It was a tough decision , particularly as one of the recalcitrant players is a committee member.

However in truth, it's a simple matter, it is the responsibility of every player to sign for a correct score and submit a correct card at the end of play.'

After investigation, It was found that 4 players submitted signed cards with a lower score than they should have.

One can only assume that they did not check the daily start sheet sheet , which published all the correct handicaps, even as far as being highlighted in red!

It is the case that on occasions the daily start sheet does vary from that first published on late Wednesday.

SOS Captain went on to state:-

'In this case the alterations to handicaps were in red on the start sheet, clearly the players didn’t check.'

In a bid to soften the blow, an empathetic Earl said that the offending players can still play this week and be eligible to win the daily event, however the recalcitrant players scores will not be eligible for the eclectic competition.

Earl also mentioned:-

'The players will be notified individually and not be publically vilified,,,,, unless that is their wish.'

The Captain's final comment was:-

'although rules are made to be broken and on occasions bent, one of the fundamental rules is you have to submit a correct card, end of story’

EDITOR'S COMMENT

'it's tough but fair!

It is up to all of us to check our handicaps on the morning of play, after all you do need to check your name off for the novelties'

Results
So we may have some interesting conversations ahead, but the results for the time-being are a follows:-

1^st Roland Stanger (cb) 69 (Birdie 11^th)

2^nd Graeme Powell 69

3^rd Ian Holmes 72

4^th Earle Scarff (cb) 73

5^th Glen Pope (cb) 73 (Birdie 3^rd)

6^th Kerry Gardner 73 (complete with an 11 on the card!)

Ciaran McGlue, Colin Kerr (Birdie 15^th) 75

Brett Fordham, Peter Baird, Shelley Yeo 76

Greg Bennett, Stephanie Jeffares, S Tan (Birdies 15^th & 18^th) 77

Ross Campbell (Magpie 16^th) 78

Charmaine Stanger 79

Gary Burgess 80

Vickie Scarff 81

Thomas Reilly (Birdies 3^rd & 13^th), Ben Barnes 82

Richard Yeo 84

Gim Ong 86

Gordon Neilsen 91

Conquered by the rain & DQ'd: Mal Yeo and Paul Gardner

OOOOOOhhhhh the tension mounts.

Who failed to check their handicap?
How will things change?

Mysterious and mysteriouser!!!

Novelties
NTP2-- Kerry
NTP -- Stan
LD16-- Brett
NTP18- Stan

Nice work peeps.

Fortunately the Golden Hole didn't go off again so the fund rises to a princely $47.

Fines/Comments of the Week
And now onto the X-Rated bit,,,,, or at least full of innuendo:-

Gary, Gordo & Graeme- comparing their length and thickness!

Gim- for announcing she was 'freezing her kitties off!'

Kerry overheard talking to Brett- 'You have great length,,,, cue the pregnant pause,,,,,, Off the tee'

Ciaran- complaining in the morning that he really needed a cart as his legs were about to give out!

Char- and her beautiful Xmas in July jumper

Kerry- for deciding that my parking wasn't straight enough, re-parking it, and leaving it in a worse position that where it began.

Peter- for being distracted whilst on the phone by a Russian Balloonist.

Brett- for admitting the dangers of using Deep Heat and not concentrating.

Ross- telling Ian he would give him the Clap

Heheheheheeeeeee heeehehhheheheeeee

Random Pics

Clearly not enough selfies!

God i need this pre-match caffeine injection

Discussions about the round ahead

Fe Fi Fo Fum,,,,,,, i smell the blood

Shaved heads and shaved???????

Back at the beautiful 19th

Beautiful Wifey on stage at the Hoo Haa's!

Next Week
Rnd 2 of the Winter Cup

PLEASE CHECK YOUR HANDICAPS,,,,,,

or you will feel the WRATH!

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

MatchPlay Final & Ambrose Stroke

Sponsored by the good old SOS again.

Well, well, well what a palava this week was with about a dozen changes to the running order of the game on Saturday, finally the day game and off we went on our jolly way.

and what were we greeted by,,,,,,,,,, but the
usual f--kin rain!!!

Oh how we are all over this bloody miserable weather.

Even the WeatherMan looked a little downtrodden.

And finally we got to the FINAL OF THE 2016 MATCHPLAY between Earl The Aussie Battler Scarrf against the irrepressible Ciaran Angry Sticky McGlue.....

and what a final it looked to be as Ciaran The Hoon McGlue announced his arrival with the screaming of tyres of his cart on the first tee.

Meanwhile the rest of us battled our way through the inclement weather thorough a game of Ambrose Stroke.

Now unfortunately my fkn iPhone reset itself, and once again i've lost all my pictures of the day, so this will be an almost pic free Blog.

I did ask for any contributions, and A BIG THANKS go out to Stan The Photographer Man Tan and to a joint contribution from Earl The Lawman Scarff, Gordo The Nasty Neilsen & Travis The Bouncing Barnes for their effort!!!!!

The Results MatchPlay Final
Well obviously there could be only one winner, and after a hard fought battle (and a certain person "losing his sh-t!"),,,,,,,,,,

Earl The LawMan came out trumps!!!!

Well done mate and congrats on winning the cup for a second time!!!!

So the MatchPlay Cup stays in the hands of an Aussie.... woo hoo.

Ciaran the Tears McGlue finally took it all in his stead once the pressure was over and finished the last 5 holes:-

14) Par
15) Par
16) Par
17) Birdie
18) Par

amazing what a little bit of perceived pressure can do.

Ambrose Stroke
And what a ding dong battle this was in our 4-ball with Paul The Broken and Stiff Kiwi going up against Romantic Brett and Gorgeous Wifey as the game ebbed and flowed all the way round.

The one extra stroke we were behind, and the fact we were chasing behind on the lasst two holes led to both Stiff Kiwi and Paul The Broken succumbing to that damn perceived pressure as we finally sprayed the ball to all parts.

Army Golf was the nature of the game, but what a great contest!

As for the other games i didn't get any other detail apart from the top of the table act of Stan The Asian Bandit and Glen The Colour Co-ordinated nearly got there with a joint handicap of 4!!!
Hehehehe 4 shots,,,, that really would've been something special if you won,,,

So the winners were:-

1) Brett & Kerry

Well done peeps, it was a great match and great fun all the way round

2) Paul & Stiff

3) Stan & Glen

4) ??????????

yep sorry my notes fell apart for this one too,,,
but you know who you are, and that's the important thing.

Novelties
Only 2 names on all of these
Earl won the 3 various NTP's
Stan won the LD

Golden Hole
Whack, whack oooooopssss
Nada, Nicht, zero as it didn't go off again, so more for next week.

Fines of the Week
And here we go for the fun and festivities as Xmas in July draws closer, well at least for Wifey!

Brett-- and his most ridiculous novelties for a team event, something he did actually own up to on the 3rd tee,,,,,, which was especially 'different' as he was playing with his marvellous 'tube of lube!'
Ask him for details.

Ciaran-- for almost literally 'losing his sh-t' and doing the best evers impression of Angry Golfer by throwing his 9 iron soooo hard it speared the ground!
Olympic Trials on their way buddy??

Ross-- for needing a new pink skirt, as he was oblivious to teeing off the ladies.

Peter-- for his marvellous impression of Gone Fishing, as he once again brought out his fishing stick to stock up the Raffle Prizes.

Random Pics
of which there really aren't many.

As mentioned previously, the Bad Boys looking after the MatchPlay Cup.
If you can't see anything, take note of the sign on the coke machine behind hehehehehehehehee

The pig that got away from Ciaran's bacon sarnie

MatchPlay Runner Up with the Cup, and a victorious subdued winner in the background.

My bloody batteries have run out again!

What???? You bought me a beer???
Thanks

Au Revoir and see ya all next week for more rain no doubt, and the first round of the

Winter Cup.

Til then, have a good un peeps,,,,,,

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

MatchPlay SF & 4BBB stableford

Sponsored by I think SOS again, but not entirely sure.

Firstly our thoughts go out to Gary The Coach Burgess who is struggling away at Fiona Stanley with a bad case of sepsis!
Our thoughts are with ya bruvver.

And so it was a Battle Against The Elements as we soggily stomped our way around Wembley for the Semi-Finals of the MatchPlay whilst the rest of us struggled with 4BBB stableford.

The was mucho rain, and even the WeatherMan predicted we were unlikely to finish the round....

Now just so i get the warning out there, this will be quite a short blog, with limited stories, for two main reasons:-

1) My note book got washed away in the rain

2) My hands were too cold and i really couldn't be ars#d to write much of it down

I did ask for a few contributions to be emailed, but i'm guessing nobody else could be ars#d either, as i didn't get anythink heheheheh

Apart from something from Stan The Man Tan, and it didn't really apply,,,, but thanks mate!

Now before we start, i must welcome our newest member,

Ben Something (sorry i did tell ya i wasn't paying any attention!) to the SOS fold on such a glorious day.

It's great to meet ya mate, and let's hope the weather brightens up for us all soon.

So what was on the cards for such a dreamy day?

Game 1- Earl v Lynne

As you can see the battle and the War of Words started early.

Game 2- Ciaran v Colin

No pic of the other two battlers, and even Colin got a bit shy

The Results
Earl defeated Lynne*
Ciaran defeated Colin

* please see the quotes below

And so the Final of the 2016 MatchPlay is between
Earl The Elder Statesman against Ciaran The Young Pretender.

Good luck gentleman.

Where's your money SOS????? Let me know and i'll open a book!

The Rest 4BBB Stabelford

Due to the rather inclement weather, many people retired to the bar after 9 holes, however much to the surprise of many, Tom English Rielley & Gardi The Broken carried on throughout the rain!

It must be stated that it was after a medicinal beer or two at half time.

As such, and due to to my previous excuses i have nothing else really to say.

Actually, i've just remembered who won the 4BBB stableford and it was:-

Woo hoo peeps,,,,,

Novelties
Now again I didn't take too much notice but what I can say is i, Gardi The Busted won, not one, but two of the Nearest the Pins.
Narrowly defeating Brett 4D Fordham on both occasions.

Phil New Swing McKeague, won one of the most controversial of the novelties, The Longest Putt.
Controversial because nobody could understand what it was all about??????

Guys and gals, the clue is in the name! Longest Putt!!!!
Whoever sinks the longest putt wins,,,,, is it really that hard?????

And both Kerry The Patient and I haven't got a clue about the fourth novelty,,,, but well done on whoever won it!

Golden Hole
Never really had a chance of going off, and anyway with less than $20 in the kitty it's not worth winning anyway!

Fines of the Week
Ok onto the funtimes, and a few goodies here i reckon,,, so sit back and enjoy:-

Ciaran- The self proclaimed rough as a Bager's Arse before he started with eyes that i would have been proud of!

Lynne- Bring on the rain, as i know that Earl is shoite in the rain!

Earl- After singing a fantastic rendition of "Join Me Dancing Naked in the Rain", he announced there is one thing better than winning, it's beating Lynne whilst playing in the rain.

Colin- Commenting on The WeatherMan's ability to predict the climate
I reckon that man's a bloody dud!

Gim- acting like the Trampoline Tumbler, jumping all over the place trying to stay warm.
Bouncey, bouncey hehehehe

Tom- Getting a per after having a slut! Great golf dude!

Tom- for appearing again at golf with a bacon sarnie tightly in his grip, stating the Bacon Fairy Missus cooks me one every saturday before golf.
Can we all please have a bacon fairy???? Pretty please????